he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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