I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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