His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
You smell like stripper and shame
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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