im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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