Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
