oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Randomize
