first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
