Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Randomize
