david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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