i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Randomize
