Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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