She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
