if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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