Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
