Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
