My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
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