either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
