My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize