were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
