i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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