your room smells of hookers.
And success
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
