jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
