Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
