you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize