so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
