new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I am naked and annoyed.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Randomize
