Your face is a jimmy john
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize