Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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