ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
