Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
