Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
