dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
