Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Randomize
