She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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