remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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