Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
