Cold hands, warm shart.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
