He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
