Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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