Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
