Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
