And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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