she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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