I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
