I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
