its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize