She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
