the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
We have started to decorate penises.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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