dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
