I want to stick my p in your. b.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
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