im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize
