Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
