Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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