before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Randomize
