You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
