I think my vagina is haunted
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Randomize
