and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize