He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
