i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
