I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
