He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
