I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
