Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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