Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
