it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize