I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize