In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
No...this little piggys going to the bar
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
