so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
