I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Randomize
