I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
