I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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