If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
