Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
