This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Walk of Shame today included voting.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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