Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
