The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
So much Jack, so little girl.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
