I could have mohawked her pubes.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
