i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
