dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize