So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
