bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
