HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Four minutes until I can fart!
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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