I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
