You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
