How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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