Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
