You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
