you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
