Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
