The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
