Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
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