If that was your dad, he is hot
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
