last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
