return my video game
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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