Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
they're like a gay fantastic four
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
