Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
