rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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