p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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