you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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