And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
