you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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