i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
