Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize